Boys Don’t Cry

A common meme perpetuated from an equalist definition of gender, is that men should embrace their emotions to better relate to women. The idea is that if gender is a social construct only, then it’s otherwise unhealthy for boys and eventually men to not freely express their emotions. Now you see young men constantly trying to use their emotions to attract a woman. The idea is that “like attracts like,” and the hope that she will ultimately appreciate his efforts that are so different then her douchebag boyfriend.

Showing your “emotional” side is a one way ticket to either her repulsion or a LJBF rejection. The reason that being more emotional is a waste of time for men, is that relating with women on an emotional level instinctively makes her feel like you’re one of her girlfriends. Gender is not a social construct, otherwise she would be able to turn that perception of you off, and you’ll sail into a Blue Pill relationship bliss. Her perception with a man that uses emotion to relate to her is that of another female. Often a woman’s perception of you as a primary candidate for intimacy relies on how she feels. If she “feels” that you’re a good friend that can talk about how Chad won’t call her back, that’s exactly the relationship you will have with her. You’re a man that still does not get it, a man that acts more as a woman, which will firmly place you in a friend category.

Our differences create attraction, not our similarities. Having a stoic, stronger then oak, emotionally unavailable nature makes you more attractive than trying to display your emotional intelligence as a sexual strategy.

Controlled Emotion

I’m not advocating that men need to be like Spock or Buddha. Men do have emotions as that makes us human. What I’m against, is men trying to out-emote one another as a sexual strategy, in the hope that a woman will appreciate the effort. She won’t.

Obviously, men have emotions, but it’s important to remember how to express them without coming off as Beta. Controlled expression of emotions is crucial, as it serves to make an endearing image of men. Don’t buy into the “he’s not sharing his feelings” gripe; this same gripe is an advocacy to try and get you to abandon your frame, and enter into hers. This is a disaster waiting to happen. You need to be the wall that separates her willingness to lose control to her emotions, and your incessant drive to not give into them. What’s endearing to women, is a man that is emotionally unavailable who occasionally shows a semblance of emotion. It’s the difference between a man giggling and a man that cheekily smirks. Think of Don Draper. Having control of your emotional expressions makes each small act, an event unto itself.

Frost’s comment on Roissy’s article demonstrates the proportional aspect behind displays of emotions:

The power of emotional outbursts is inversely proportional to how often you have them.

A man who has complete control of his emotions 99.9% of the time can strike the fear of god into women and men when he loses it.

Also, the scariest motherfucker of all is the man who can execute a controlled losing it, so it’s not really like he’s losing control of himself, just tapping into the strength and impulsiveness that an emotional reaction offers. Like calling on the power of the dark side of the force.

Anger is a good example. Out of all the “toxic” emotions men are taught not express, I’m all for occasional flashes of anger. This demonstrates to her that you’re to be respected, and you can at any time go from calm-like state, to a force to be reckoned with. These flashes of anger, or as Rollo called them, Flashes of Alpha, make her question her hypergamic valuation of you. What’s better then completely losing it every time you’re angry, is having a slight grasp on the leash of your carnal fury. This leaves more to the imagination, as it’s scary to see a otherwise calm person become angry, but also note that he has control of it. The shot of a single gun in a movie is more profound then a whole movie filled with persistent explosions — you get used to it.

Recently I demonstrated this at work, in a office full of females. Out of 15 people in my office space, 12 are women. There is a lesbian woman at my office, who normally I get along quite well with. However, she recently lost one of her subordinates, and I got the impression she can sometimes be a bully to those working under her. Since this other woman was gone, she proceeded to channel that bullying my way thinking I would not stand up for myself as her other subordinates didn’t. She proceeded to crack jokes in front of other co-workers about my job details and be otherwise disrespectful. I had enough, and in front of everyone, I lost my cool. I didn’t calculate it, I just was sick of the disrespect, and it came to froth, I aggressively told her to never talk about my duties in such a demeaning way again. I demanded that she understands me 100%. She was shocked, but agreed, and she slinked back in her office.

My anger was probably a 7 out of 10, with 1 being a child-like lamb, and 10 being throwing a chair out the window. I was assertive, menacing, and probably looked like I was an inch from completely losing it. I definitely could have been written up for confronting her in front of other employees. On paper, I would have been ok with that, as in a politically correct world, no I shouldn’t have said that to her. Unofficially, I didn’t give a fuck what she did or said, as long as she respected me. She even said that she didn’t respect the way I confronted her, and yet I’ve never had an issue from her since. Always look at their actions, not their words. In fact, since the office is so prone to bitch fits from these other women, NONE have given me an issue since.

I’m normally described as cool, calm, and collected. So having such display of controlled anger allowed a semblance of polarity with how I will confront disrespect. I’ve only had to do this once, and it has created a much more healthier work environment for myself. Since it was controlled, it leaves more to imagination.

Leave more to the imagination in regards to your own emotions. Instead of giggling like a child, smirk. Stop blowing up at every little thing, and assertively demand change. But whatever you do, do not roll over by trying to relate to women emotionally. This is a clear abdication of your frame, and one that she will never appreciate you for.

Designed Pain

There are 5 stages of grief associated with unplugging from a Blue Pill perspective. These stages of grief are the common reaction to having to confront an otherwise hidden and painful truth. When a man unplugs from the Feminine Imperative, and is cast into a new social dynamic, he may react the same way one reacts to the death of a close family member:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

It’s been said often in Red Pill circles, that it’s generally unwise to mention the Red Pill overtly to an otherwise still plugged in man. The reactions to these “misogynistic” ideas will be met at the least with mild incredulity or at worst outright contempt. More then one friendship has been destroyed by well-meaning Red Pill men, as they try to help their Blue Pill buddies who are trapped in a lifetime of pleasing the Feminine Imperative.

Of course we want to help these men that are close to us, as we remember our own plight and how now things are much more realistic by understanding women’s innate need to optimize their hypergamy. We remember our own painful pasts of fruitlessly following the advice of countless well-meaning women to be ourselves or just be nice and the laws of the universe will give us more pussy.

I believe it’s a disservice to yourself and your Blue Pill friend to mention the Red Pill before they’re unwilling to take it. One, you risk ostracizing yourself from a social circle that is so steeped in a Blue Pill perspective that they will never be able to understand that you hold their best interests at heart. No matter how logical you sound, you’re asking them to abandon their most cherished fantasies. From their perspective you’re asking them to hand over all their hopes and dreams. We’re talking about their sexual strategy here, and that is one strategy that men will defend with their very lives. Every man has Game, and Blue Pill men are no different.

Purpose of Pain

Going back the 5 stages of grief; I believe it’s necessary that men have to face a serious loss of an ideal before they’ll begin to question any tightly held beliefs about women’s sexual strategy. When men are faced with losing everything while they were simultaneously told that being Mr. Perfect will give them everything, they begin to question those assumptions. The fallout from a failed relationship, one in which was founded on Blue Pill ideals, will force a man to ask the right questions as to why it failed. When a child puts their hand on a hot stove without realizing they will get burned, pain immediately forces them to remove their hand. This painful shock will inoculate them from ever touching a hot stove again. There is a evolutionary purpose behind depression that forces us to examine whether our current goals are improving our ability of survival. Dr. Jonathan Rottenberg is the author of The Depths: The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic, in which he argues that depression or low mood serves a purpose in examining our current setting and whether changes to this environment should be made. Dr. Rottenberg did a interview with Brett McKay of the Art of Manliness, where he expounds on the purpose of depression:

Low mood makes us stop. It makes us analyze the environment really carefully. Parts of it so you don’t repeat the same mistakes that got us into this situation in the first place.

When a frustrated man that has spent most of his life following the rules given to him since birth, rules which will ultimately fail him when it comes to a relationship with a woman, he understandably begins the stages of grief. At this time, pain serves as a necessary stepping stone to swallowing the Red Pill, as he is confronted with the reality that his Blue Pill sexual strategy ultimately failed him. It’s even more frustrating when you consider that this same strategy had the seal of approval from all women up to that point as the correct one. Nice guy…check, dependable…check, understanding…check, romantic…check, and then when this perspective is finally tested with his dream girl he is eventually rejected or dumped.

At this point, when he is in this depressive state he may be trying to understand what exactly went wrong with his past relationship. It serves as a survival mechanism for him to really be honest with the entire environment that he had depended on to ensure intimacy with his dream girl. He instinctively will begin to try and piece together the events surrounding to the failing of his relationship. However, without a Red Pill context, he will be unable to accurately describe the social dynamics at play surrounding the failed relationship. If he doesn’t receive or accept a Red Pill perspective, he will fall back to his Blue Pill idealism over time; as he begins to accept that the relationship is over. During that critical time a Red Pill friend may (the key word is may) be able to provide a context, albeit a bitter one, that will ultimately give him the correct perspective of women’s sexual strategy, and how he can reinvent himself to play the Game with more accurate knowledge.